i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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