Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
