DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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