I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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