I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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