i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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