I think i sorta joined a cult last night
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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