i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
