I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
