What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
