no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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