Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize
