I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
