Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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