I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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