Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
