Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
