Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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