Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
