Joe is yelling at the trees again.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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