Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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