evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
