she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
