if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
