god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
