nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
