It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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