I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
