You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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