Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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