My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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