Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
