I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
