Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
