maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
