This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
