you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
