I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
