We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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