god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
