On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
