We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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