Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
