I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
