they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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