i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
