What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
