the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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