Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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