Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
