Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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