is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize