It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
