Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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