Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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