I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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