She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I want a musical about memes.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
