What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
