Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
