Kiss
Puke
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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