so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you would pick up someone in the library
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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