great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
