she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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