We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
