Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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