my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
