Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize