Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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