something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
