I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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