Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
