Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
