you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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