She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
